I had a rough conversation with her. But it was for the best! I need us to talk to each other. I hope I’m not making things worse! 

She asked me what do I want, what do I like to do, what it would keep my mind busy. I told her that I like to ride a bicycle. She helped me understand that in fact I want to own a bicycle. My bicycle! Not doable right now!

She insisted! To tell her! To tell myself! A hobby! Something to get me out of this toxic cycle! I like to play chess! 

When I was a child, I wanted my parents to enlist me to a chess class. They never did! They choose a karate class. I think I never told them that I wanted chess. I dreamt of being an internationally renowned chess player. 

I will sign up for a chess class today. Let’s do this! 🙂