I want a normal life

I didn’t do anything for school today! I smoked a lot, I played a lot. No beer! 

I got out of the House a few minutes ago. Alone!

I have to eat. I didn’t eat anything yesterday and today. Alone! 

There are couples at the other tables. I will eat. Alone!

I was right; She didn’t sent me a message to let me know how it was. Maybe She was tired, maybe She forgot, maybe She doesn’t care! 

I’ve sent her a message when I woke up. She survived the trip! We chatted a little bit. She sent me some photos. She told me how it was. She made a few jokes. I found that there will be more trips this month. Every week. And that was it. Only… knows when I will talk with Her again. Or see Her!

I was angry after we finished the chat. I played all day. And smoked a lot. And I checked the phone all day over and over and over again. She didn’t write anything!

I don’t get it! When I don’t talk with her, I feel empty and alone! After I talk with her, I feel angry. 

I imagine a normal life. One in which I’m happy for her. I don’t have a normal life!