300 for chess?

That course was not held. Not enough parcipants.

They sent me a message for a new class next month. The price? 300! Monthly!

That’s way too much for me. For my budget. This dream is on hold!

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Dr. House vs. HotS

Last weekend I drank beer and I played HotS. I couldn’t stop playing. I lost, I won, I lost, I lost, I won, I lost and lost and lost. I was happy when I won, I was angry and upset when I lost. After two days I felt tired. It’s not like I didn’t like it. It was just a feeling that I didn’t do anything with my life and that time was wasted!

This week I’m watching Dr. House! 🙂 It’s fun, but it’s different. No beer! I don’t have the vibe to drink. I watch a few episodes a day. I can’t stop watching. I laugh, I cry, I think, I feel. Every night I go to bed later than the night before. Every day I’m more tired than yesterday, but it’s different. After two days I feel very tired. I like it very much. It is just the feeling that I’m doing something with my life and that time is meaningful!

A word to Malthael

Emphasize less that you are a drunkard, but it’s ok! :))

Those words touched a chord! They were said by my best friend after I shared this journal with him. I really hope that the true meaning was that I should drink less and not talk less about it…

I have an issue with the things I should do. I have an issue with should. The word, the meaning, the concept, the obligation annoys me. Nobody is allowed to tell me what I should do and what is better for me. This is how I became broken! Listening too much to others and letting them take the decisions for me!

I agree that I want to drink less! Notice the different mindset. I wish to do things on my own terms, to take my own decisions, to do what I feel and to feel what I do! 😉

I don’t agree that I want to talk less about it. Not talking about a problem or diminishing it is wrong! It didn’t worked for me! I still have a drinking problem and a smoking problem and other 97 problems.

Malthael, you’re dead wrong! 🙂 I drink a lot of beer. Talk about it! I drink beer often. Write about it! This journal is not Failbook…

8 months of dust

Yesterday I cleaned two rooms of the house. The one in which I sleep and the other one. I can’t remember the last time I did a proper cleaning. You know! Broom and mop!

I didn’t bother to take care of the house after I gave the dog away. There was dog piss on the floor in the other room. It was worse in my room. Dog hair, my beard hair, dust on the floor, dust in the air. I don’t like cleaning in general, but this time I was lazy as a spoiled brat. My mind was numb! I didn’t want to touch the broom and the mop. I didn’t want to have anything to do with that house!

But in the past three mornings I woke up with a sore throat. Like I slept all night in a dust storm. Imagine staying in the middle of the storm and… dust in your eyes, in your hair, in your beard, in your skin, in your month, in your throat… You can’t breath, you can’t run, you can’t scream! I was getting sick. It was time to do something. Beer is more fun when you’re healthy! Hello, my old friends! Hello, dear broom! Hello, dear mop! 🙂 😉 

Failure

15 years ago I left my home town to go to faculty. I had no idea what I wanted to do in life. My sister was already at an electrical engineering one. I joined her. I didn’t care. Three years in I realized that I didn’t like it. I didn’t finish it.

After a few years I was an employee and I listened to a colleague and joined the 2nd faculty. A cybernetics one this time. I saw them only once. When I joined. I never saw them again. That says a lot about my motivation. I didn’t finish it.

A few years ago I joined the 3rd one for real. PR! It was my decision this time. My grandma always asked me when I will finish. I remember visiting her in the hospital last winter. She said to finish the faculty! She died this year. I never forgot her wish

I’ve finished with the faculty once and for all! Last week I got expelled for failing too many exams. Without the possibility to rejoin. Let bygones be bygones! I will not finish any faculty! 

Boring

Mixpanel doesn’t suck after all. A dev changed the tracking system “without management approval”. Now he has to change it back. So I wasn’t stupid or crazy or something. It was broken! 🙂

After that it was boring at work. Nothing to do, nothing to think, nothing to feel. The most weird part was the “all hands meeting”. It was in fact a presentation done by the top management for the stock exchange. Boring, boring, boring, boring, boring! It was like a “we are making a lot of money and you should be proud of yourself”. I will feel proud after you give me a bigger salary or more benefits!

My dad was sleeping. My mom was playing a Farmville like game on Failbook. My sister was tired after work. My nephew was full of energy! 🙂 

53 minutes

I’m on the road on my way to my family. I found out today that I need some papers from them. For work, for a trial, for the hell. 

My “plane” was delayed. I was cold! I was hungry! I don’t have patience. I drank a beer. I ate at McDonald’s! 😦

My parents are old and grumpy. I didn’t take a gift for my nephew. I don’t have the vibe to talk to my sister.  I just want to be left alone!