I have to stop

I went out for a beer with the devil. I was tired. Very tired! I felt empty and lonely. I didn’t want to go home. So I said yes to the beer with that colleague. 

I don’t remember much from last night. Beer after beer after beer after beer! At one point I started buying drinks to a women who sat at a table. I was at the bar! I asked for pen and paper. I swapped a few written messages on paper with that woman. After the third one, she stopped answering. 

That woman went home or to another place. The devil went home. I sat alone at the bar and drank. I smoked a cigar and saw another woman alone at a table. I started talking with her. I don’t remember what we talked. 

I returned to the bar. I passed out! 

One week

7 days ago – 12 hours at the office! I don’t know why. I had nothing to do all day. I guess I didn’t want to go home. I drank beer until I passed out in my bed!

6 days ago – I went to the movies with two women I met at the seaside. Nothing between me and any of them. They chose the cinema. They chose the movie. We watched Baywatch. I laughed my socks off! 

5 days ago – I went out for a beer with 2 colleagues. The Devil and his Brother! We drank until 5 in the morning. 

4 days ago – I went out for a beer with the Devil. We drank until 3 in the morning! 

3 days ago – I went out for a beer with a girlfriend. I’ve known her for 11 years! On and off! We met that night with some friends of hers and drank and played some games! Secret Hitler and Charades. It was uber fun! I slept at her place. 

2 days ago – We went for some shopping. She went to a concert and I went to drink a beer with my friends. 

Yesterday – I stayed at home, I drank beer and I read a book. I finished it at 6 in the morning! 

How to attract a man? Make the first move

The Unqualified Genius

As a man, the idea that a guy should always make the first move strikes me as a relic from a time no longer relevant. Some girls prefer guys to make the first move because it fits in with the pre-planned love story they have in their head. Which is fine, well, it’s not but I don’t have time to go into all that right now.

What I want to focus on is when a girl genuinely thinks that if she were to approach a guy and strike up a conversation the guy would hate it.

If Margot Robbie walked up to me in a bar and started a conversation with me do you think I’d be like “oh no I’m not even slightly interested, you’re too forward for me”?

Ok maybe that was an extreme example, and an excuse to bring up Margot Robbie, so let me give you one that…

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It’s time to write about my mistakes. I had two long relationships. Over a year that is! The last one with Her… 

I cheated in both. Two times each! Once in the beginning and the second time in the end. And all this years I said that I’m against cheating! I’m a hypocrite… 

Between them I met another kind and beautiful woman. It lasted a month or so. I also cheated that time. And I told her! The only time in my life when I told! 

I blamed the beer. I always blame beer! I don’t know why I cheat. Fear of commitment maybe…

And the guilt always get to me. Maybe she was right. Maybe I didn’t love Her! 😦

He hears voices

He’s walking down the street. It starts like a sadness. Undefined! That kind that makes him doubt himself. Like light lost the battle with dark! The sadness grows. Happy memories dissappear one by one. Or worse! It makes him see bad in good people. It makes him believe that they wanted to hurt him. It makes him find the flaws of strangers in the street.

He sees a woman. She’s fat. Second woman. Ugly. Third. Fat and ugly. A man. Dirty. Another man. Poison. A couple. Idiots that will hurt each other. An old lady with her dog. Filth. All of them are evil. They don’t deserve to live. They will destroy. A virus. A cancer. A plague. He wants to do something. The voices help him, guide him, love him. Burn the fat one! Choke the ugly one! Stab the fat and ugly! Drown the dirty! Hang the poison! Make the idiots play the russian roulette! Feed the old lady to the dog! 

He thinks about his own death. Hit by a car? A red car. A wrong step and that’s it. Nobody will remember him! Nobody will miss him! Nobody will die for him! He closes his eyes! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! They show him a way to die! They yell at him! They want him to take action! Now! They suddenly become quiet! Only one remains! A friendly voice! It’s the sea in that voice! His friend! His only friend! The sea has a plan… 

He picks up the knife!