Yesterday it was chaos and order!
I had some work to do at the office. That was good. Having something to do is good! I hate the days when there’s nothing to test! I don’t like it when I go to the office and there’s no work to be done. It’s boring!
It has something to do with Mixpanel. A tool we use for tracking purposes. You are a client, you do some actions and those should be saved in Mixpanel. But it was hell yesterday! That tool didn’t like me! It didn’t create an user profile for me! I could see my actions in real time, but there was no history. In fact, there was no user created in history. That didn’t stop me. I tried to make it work over and over again. It was not hard, but it was annoying as hell. When I got home, I was very tired. I don’t remember the last time I was so tired after work! 🙂
I almost fell asleep on my home couch when I got home. I managed to get up, I took a shower, I did the laundry, I drank two beers and I went early to bed.
I woke up very early. I have to be on time because the board members and top management of the group will be at the office. “Please make an effort to come earlier than usual, 6:00 if possible, because they won’t stay for long and want to meet all of you.” It’s cold today!
I didn’t take a bath last week. I had a bad week. Nothing was wrong, it is just that I had a bad mood. I wasn’t depressed or something, it felt bad in my mind.
I’ve been drinking in the last few days. Except a few talks with Auriel that made me laugh… I’ve been drinking and playing and smoking. Except an out of nowhere beer with my friends that made me smile… I’ve been drinking. I didn’t left the house! It was chaos in my mind, it was chaos in my life. I felt insecure!
It’s about money and time again. I have money, but… Not enough to pay back my debt, not enough to visit my nephew, not enough to go in vacation. That debt is bugging me! I want more free time. I don’t want to go to work. I don’t like my work. I want more free hours, free days, free weeks.
I’m ok! I took a bath this morning. I had time to think. I want order this week. I want to be in charge of my life. I want the plan to work!
I don’t write that often anymore. I would like to say that I’m not writing because I’m happy, but that’s not entirely true. Don’t get me wrong! It’s good to be happy, it’s good to enjoy the moment and forget about the phone and the journal, it’s good to just live the life and not write about living it.
I don’t write that often anymore because people know about the journal. People that know me. People that I care about. Some time ago I started to be careful about what I write. I found out that in some cases, in some articles, while I write, I tend to choose certain words over others, positivity over rants. There are moments in which I want to write, but I don’t because I wonder what would people think when they will read it.
I don’t write that often anymore because I don’t write only for me nowadays. I started the journal to let off steam, to share a joy with the void, to encourage myself to be more open. I want that back. To write from my soul! To not care about what others will think, to speak my mind without thinking, to express my feelings freely and easily.
I will not share new articles I write with the people I care about. Starting effective immediately! Starting with this one. They know about the journal. They can read it by themselves. In case they have questions or suggestions about an article or two, I encourage them to let me know and we will talk about it freely and easily! 🙂
That’s not the word I was looking for, but it will do! I was trying to express another concept. When you do not see her for a time and you start to miss her, the mistery and imagination grow, the moments in which you think of her are giving you a good vibe. I was thinking about that special moment when you see her again after a week or two… 😛
I’ve never been in a long distance relationship. We could see each other whenever we wanted. This time is different and pleasant. The fact that she is another country, another town makes me feel different. Makes me feel Her in new ways!
Every time I see her again it’s like the first time. That joy, that pleasure, that sea of emotions! The way Her eyes smile at me when she sees me, the way Her heart speaks about what she feels, the way Her mind starts conversations like we saw each other yesterday. The beer is better, the food is better, the beach is better. It’s a kind of magic!
I don’t recommend Serbia. They have bad roads, there are no beaches, the soup sucks! I don’t think they have parks. I’m sure that it has hidden gems, but not for me. I also discovered that their beer is from Montenegro! 🙂
I’m not quite sure what to say about Montenegro. The beach was alright, the mountains were magical, they are taking care of their roads and their country. But something was off! The houses, the neighbourhoods, the vilas… cramped houses. They are built glued to each other. No space, no air, no gardens!
I love Croatia! The most beautiful people, the most beautiful parks, the most beautiful beaches. Space, air, gardens! I went to a seaside every year. I took a swim in the sea every year. I was not prepared! I have a rich imagination and I didn’t see that coming! The most crystalline sea I’ve seen in my life! I could see my feet, my skin, my every dream!
I’m not giving you Split,
I’m not giving you parks,
I’m not giving you beaches,
Not even Kamen Brela!
I’m giving you
My heart in the sun!
Thank you, Auriel!
Dubrovnik, Croatia, 2017.
The freedom in that country is amazing. People were drinking and smoking (weed?) in the streets. Everybody was happy and joyful. Old people had youth in their veins. Young people had wisdom in their games. A fairy country! 🙂
You just walk and you feel the vibe of love. You just talk and you feel the angels above.
That beer was made by angels from love.
Let me tell you a story! Almost 10 years ago I was at an event for two weeks. It was so awesome that I fell in love with the beer I drank there. That beer then or this beer now… not the best beers in the world… but… every time I drink them… they remind me of… happiness! 😉