The bad spirit is back. I drank a beer when I woke up. Beer instead of coffee! I’m late for work. Nothing is right! I hate my life…


Nothing changed

Another week. Still no purpose! That’s my life today, this month, this year. I wake up every morning, I go to work, I get back Home, I drink beer. 

Another friend will stay at my place for a few days. I have the same feeling like last time. I don’t want him in my House. I want him gone. Mixed emotions!

I asked myself again why. I feel like I’m in this pit of sadness and I can’t get out. Maybe I don’t want to. Maybe I’m happy. Maybe I have a purpose. Why?

Quick question

Do you have nightmares? Everybody has nightmares. I have nightmares! 

I don’t remember most of them. It’s just that I wake up in the middle of the night screaming. 

I can tell in the morning that I had bad dreams over the night. I wake up very tired and very scared! 

It’s not fun. I’m an anxious person in general. These morning fears are… 

They are with knifes. Something is stabbing me or someone I care about. Maybe I watch too many horror movies! 

They’ll pass. They always do. Everything is going to be alright!

I want a new phone

I have an S4! I bought it last year. My first and only smartphone. I quit my job. I quit Facebook!

My personal phones were feature phones. My work phones were smartphones.

I had no personal phone for 8 years.

There are two things that are important to my personal identity: personal email and my phone number. The S4 is an extension of those! A tool!

It’s good. It helps me with what I need: reading and writing! But it has small glitches, small hangs, small bugs. Nothing annoying. It’s just an old smartphone!

It’s a good phone. I’m “attached to it”. I don’t want to change it. I want a new toy, a new tool, a new start! I read somewhere that people buy new things in order to feel Fresh and Young. I want to change something in my life. I want to get out of this mood. I want to feel appreciated and loved. A new phone sounds like a good Plan!

I will not get a new phone. I don’t have the money for it. I’m just a poor and depressed guy!